1. |
I
13:36
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Slipping away
I have fallen too far
darkness overcomes, ripping perseverance to shreds
to throw as confetti upon the death of any decency left inside of me
The monster has come home
Through the mires of shit I stood tall
refusing your ways, refusing to give in
the years brought nothing except the cruelest jokes
punchlines that wrought this man
to something more decrepit than these rust belt ruins
to something colder than the steel that will lacerate and plunge
taking restitution for what you deprived
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2. |
II
09:05
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I remember your names
I remember your faces
I remember the taste of your piss
Genovese, how I know what you felt
Black, cold, abrasive October asphalt
Four faces that once were friends
The playground near my house
where we often played
Surrounded now,
testicles slammed by steel
did the sunset catch the glint of my tears
as you kicked, as you beat?
The shame of going home
"I fell in to a puddle"
the lies I had to tell
not to protect you, but my own dignity
you stripped it from me
you washed it away in golden streams
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3. |
III
14:56
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sexual frustration
rooting deep in alienation
cages of rejection
where a restrained animal becomes an active predator
flame of the candle flickering
the draft gliding over naked skin
their voices carry in from darkened streets below
slow brewed desires, how torturous the months
every rejection
every unanswered message
every woman that would never give the time
becomes another pound of pressure
deny
denial
denied
there is no escape
stroking of the phallyus
the trigger has been pulled
heaving chest, flushed with rage
dulling the blade with a primal grunt
the monster feasts upon the mixing of blood and cum
the flame erect as I shrink
the smell of sex and revenge
their voices carry in from darkened streets below
it should have been you
it should have been you
it should have been you
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4. |
IV
22:31
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To fall before yourself
and all you'd wish to become
to watch another sun disappear beneath the window sill
without motivation to shed cotton cocoons
Excitement has long since bid farewell
childhood dreams are just more sutured wounds
inescapable alienation, pure bred detestation
the faces of enemies and friends
lines have blurred with the rising of the monster
Remember the faces,
what they do or dont deserve
When was the last time?
Was it Alyssa, drug seduced?
the hate fucking of a life time
doesn't erase the pain of those times we had
beneath that old Philly bridge
or deep in those Pennyslvania woods
Was it Caitlyn, and those arms on a freezing Cleveland couch?
dancing breath in the Westinghouse tombs
You'd soon come to tell me I'd hate what you became
but I hate more what you were to me....
Was it dearest Madeline from exit 55?
and the letters from Tina postmarked East Buffalo ruins
sleepless night as orphans on Dodge St
greeting the sun on dirty orgasms and fatigue
You would come to say
"never speak to me again"
the cruelty of your voice never leaving my ears
Hatred and love
for me the lines have gone
its them or me
suicide as preservation of a charade
remember me with remorse, rather than guilt
with some sort of joy rather than shame
as a broken man who still tried the best he could
rather than a monster breaking lives in retribution
so it comes to this
its them or me.....
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5. |
V
11:16
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Cold air, burning wounds
terrorbound and crippled
casualty of war between existence and ideaology
how to justify when nothing matters?
reaching so far for connection
that I tumbled over the cliff
look up to cold and frosted sky
with broken bones and bloody pulp
the beauty of the womans face
torment, terrorize and arouse
stalk and stare from across the room
never good enough for you
blood nudity and frozen tears
why did this go so wrong?
undeserved to unstable
how have I held out this long?
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Black Bloc Fredonia, New York
Emotionally devastated heavy electronics.
pro action.
anti hope.
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